I've struggled with my body and self-image for as long as I can remember.
I never trusted myself or my body. I believed that if I did trust it, I would have to face the inevitable pain of rejection and have the proof that I'm not good enough
So I lived my life by a list of rules like:
Eat this, don’t eat that.
Don't show that you're upset about anything to anyone, ever.
Don’t drink your Calories.
Never speak your truth if there's any chance it will upset someone.
Anytime I strayed from these rules, I would hyper-fixate on my flaws as evidence that I shouldn’t have, and then I'd use that guilt as motivation to stay small and on track.
Eventually I became too tired of living my life like this. I was tired of thinking about food all day long. I was tired of obeying this incessant need to check if my body was changing. I was tired of becoming so exhausted in social settings that I needed weeks to hibernate and recharge. I was tired of my relationships, social life, professional life and mental health being victims of the toxic relationship I had built with myself.
I was tired of it… but I didn’t know how to live my life any other way. I had spent years controlling how others perceived me and manipulating the shape of my body so I could feel safe.
After diving head first into my personal development and healing journey at the age of twenty-two -
originally for my mental health and for the success of my business - I started to realize that my perceived healthy lifestyle as a fitness trainer and nutritionist was just a very convenient way to disguise an eating disorder and abusive relationship with myself.
Since committing to my recovery, I’ve been met with many opportunities to reprogram previous conditioning around my body, cultivate self-trust, heal unattended-to wounds from the past and practise the art of loving myself through self-acceptance. My experiences in rebuilding my relationship with my body, food and exercise have coincided with my experience of building a business, which provided me with extra layers of conditioning to work through surrounding my sense of worth, security, confidence and freedom. My journey of reconnecting back with myself beyond the conditioning of diet culture, the fitness industry and entrepreneurship was the groundwork for the work I do today in coaching women to feel at home inside of themselves and their bodies.
Nowadays, I see my role less-so as a nutrition teacher, motivator and accountability buddy. Instead, my role is to help my clients discover what's really blocking them from having everything they're hoping a successful weight-loss plan will give them. By doing the deeper work to remove those blocks, you begin embodying your goals easily, as a natural byproduct of being happy, healthy and free.